“Admittedly, I’m what is called an ‘active netizen.'” Image: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock
My phone thinks I might have a dopamine addiction. While scrolling social media recently, I paused on a video advertisement depicting a woman scrolling on her phone, lounging on the couch, and slamming down her laptop in frustration. It may as well have been security footage from my own apartment, except that her video was overlaid with text asking questions about the viewer.
Have you been experiencing a lack of motivation? Excessive time in passive activities? Inability to focus? Over-reliance on instant gratification?
I more or less agreed with my phone’s implicit assessment of my mental state. But how did my phone know all that about me?
Of course, anyone browsing on the internet can be reduced to an algorithm. Companies battle for our data so they can track our browsing habits and find ways to command our attention. For instance, the alleged concern of the fight between the US government and the China-based app TikTok is the security of the valuable data of American citizens.
Yet many American TikTok users, myself included, enjoy the platform so much we don’t really care if China has access to our mindless scrolling habits. We acknowledge that we are constantly being monitored and evaluated and accept this personal thievery in return for comfort, entertainment, and community. (Recognizing our addiction and the opportunity to capitalize on it, Donald Trump pivoted, on the eve of his 2025 inauguration, from leading the crusade against TikTok to announcing himself as the app’s savior, a move that both entrenches his ties with the tech industry and courts the favor of more social media devotees.)
Besides, no app can ever really know our truest selves. Right?
Recently, I ran an experiment. I kept track of all of the specific products and services targeted to me on the social media platforms I use the most, TikTok and Instagram: Jennifer Aniston’s low impact workout program (PVOLVE), an expensive clothing brand called Cult Gaia that sells “beautiful heirloom pieces that will live in your closet forever,” a peptide serum with the annoying name “Phix Filler,” The Shadow Work Journal, and mouth and nose strips for more restorative sleep called “Hostage Tape.” I then fed of all this data into ChatGPT, and asked it to tell me what kind of person would be interested in all of the stuff that my algorithm was trying to get me to want:
ChatGPT then proceeded to provide a list of characteristics (environmentally conscious, tech-savvy) that might apply to this consumer (me). But it still hadn’t answered my question. When I got even more direct, it demurred. It even got a bit snappy with me:
I realized I needed to change tactics to get the AI to accept the exercise as sort of creative writing practice. So I directed ChatGPT to “create a fictional character who would be interested in all of the goods and services” based on all of the information it had already provided me. Although the AI still felt the need to remind me that this would be a purely fictional character that did not represent any real individual, my change in tone seemed to crack the code:
- Gender: Female
- Age: 30
- Ethnicity: Diverse background with mixed heritage, perhaps with features that suggest a blend of different cultures.
- Hair: Shoulder-length, wavy hair, possibly in a natural color or dyed with earthy tones like brown, auburn, or dark blonde.
- Eyes: Expressive and warm, possibly with a natural color like hazel or brown.
- Skin: Healthy and radiant complexion, likely with a light tan or olive tone.
- Body: Fit and toned physique, reflecting her active lifestyle.
Style and Clothing:
- Fashion Sense: Alex prefers a blend of functional and stylish clothing, leaning towards sustainable and eco-friendly materials. She might wear comfortable athleisure wear for her active routine and trendy, sustainable clothing for work.
- Accessories: Wears unique, stylish accessories that reflect her advocacy for sustainability. This could include eco-friendly jewelry or accessories made from recycled materials.
- Makeup: Her makeup style is natural and emphasizes her features. She opts for eco-friendly and cruelty-free makeup brands, favoring subtle tones and earthy colors.
Persona:
- Confident and Inclusive: Alex exudes confidence and inclusivity, being open-minded and supportive of diversity in all aspects of life.
- Eco-conscious Advocate: Advocates for sustainability and is passionate about making eco-friendly choices in her daily life.
- Tech-Savvy Professional: As a graphic designer, she’s skilled in using various design software and appreciates tech gadgets that enhance her creativity.
- Active Lifestyle: Engages in fitness activities like yoga, rowing, or stretching to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- Financially Responsible: Believes in planning for the future and is diligent about financial responsibility.
Feeling a bit emboldened by success, I then fed these details into an AI image generator and finally got what I was looking for.
Meet my algorithm’s version of me:
This person looks like a badly done replicant straight out of Blade Runner; or, better perhaps, one of the four best friends in a network sitcom about transplants in Manhattan trying to “have it all.” She looks like most of the women in the front row of spin classes at Equinox in the West Village. She is very pretty, but in a way that seems too effortless to be real. Like she has never had to work to be liked or thought too much about whether or not she is a good person. She was definitely not raised by terrifying immigrant parents in a strict, very Catholic household. She is the grown-up version of the girl in high school that I tried my hardest to dress and look like, but consistently failed to be.
I was a bit irritated with myself that I worked so hard to get to a conclusion that I suspected all along: that maybe I am not so unique and unpredictable, and in fact easily slot into several consumer demographics. Was I really expecting all of this data manipulation would ultimately provide me with an actual picture of myself? And what does it mean that my targeted ad data produced the image of a woman I longed to be when I was a teenager but who now seems like sort of an avatar for bland perfection?
Admittedly, I’m what is called an “active netizen” (I spend a lot of time online), and I don’t pay too much attention to my privacy settings. I was an early adopter of TikTok and amassed a startling number of viral videos for someone who is neither a “content creator” nor a content creator. There are no humans or pets in my apartment. The only other living things I own are two plants that were gifts from people I like so I feel obligated to keep them alive.
This means I spend a lot of time alone with my devices. And although I do not use Apple’s Alexa or other voice-based virtual assistants, a lot of my everyday interactions with the outside world happen through my phone or computer. But despite all this access to my personal information, the machine supposedly tracking my every choice seems to find me kind of … boring.
To be fair to the algorithm, I spend more time with me than anyone else and I’m still trying to figure myself out. Interacting with machine learning has only made me more certain that if I have any charm that Alex doesn’t, it comes from a place of capriciousness. Although I use my phone to find information, it’s my whims that dictate where my physical body goes every day.
I often take myself out to different bars and restaurants to figure out my favorite drinks and dishes because people are always asking me for recommendations. But I also do these things to get to know myself and the city I choose as my home.
The other day I went for a massage and a glass of wine, and I texted one of my best friends that people who don’t like being single just don’t know how to be good to themselves. I am the only person that really knows me, and I have a generally good relationship with her. She has her idiosyncrasies and I pay attention to them. I always try to find her a seat in her favorite spot, at the bar or in the corner with a view of the exit. I’m happy to sit there with her in long, seemingly pointless periods of silence that busy, perfect Alex would never understand.
